Episode 18: Long term caregiving, surrender, and holding conflicting feelings at once: Peggy's Story

Sep 8

This episode was recorded as part of a series for my End of Life class in my Masters in Social Work program.

Peggy and I had this conversation over zoom, and I was lucky to watch her quiet and thoughtful expression while she answered questions and recounted her story. She was in her living room with her pets, a dog who mostly napped at her side. I’ve also had some classes with her, and she was the kind of person in a group setting that I aspire to be: observing, listening, paying attention; and occasionally leaning in to share one point or idea that is valuable and brilliant. I tend to be an oversharer, overly excited to talk and speak before fully processing an idea, so I greatly admire those who can approach a group setting with some patience and grace.

Our conversation felt like an important vessel that held space for the timeline and story of the health decline, loss of independence, and eventual death of Peggy’s father Hank. She bared it all, sharing the details so honestly and insightfully. I think some of the biggest gems that came from our discussion were moments of her talking through the minutia of her experience; things like having written out and shared with her father a list of thanks to him, or the moment in her yoga class when she felt a parallel experience of surrendering at the end. I also, as I mention, feel a deep kinship with her as she shares her story- so many parallels and resonant details to my own loss of my dad. One of the goals of this work is to help others not feel so alone in their experiences with death, and in the classic twist of life, I am grateful to discover I am not just giving that but also receiving.