Episode 19: The business aspects of dying, and raising children alongside taking care of aging parents : Janette’s Story

This episode was recorded as part of a series for my End of Life class in my Masters in Social Work program.

Janette shares her story of taking care of her elderly parents while simultaneously raising two kids. She really dives into the “work” and details of the dying process: sorting through old belongings, advocating for the medical decisions spelled out in a POLST or advanced directive, navigating the financial and legal elements. She shares openly and honestly about the struggles and exhaustion, while also naming some hard-won beautiful insights about how our families can walk through the process together, about learning what it means to give space to someone as they take their last breaths, and about how anyone we bump into in the world can be suffering with grief. It reminds me of the words of Ian Maclaren, “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

I so appreciate the frankness of these layers to the conversation, they are elements that we shoulder in the process of being caregivers or advocates or executors, and it feels a lot less lonely and confusing to have it said out loud. It’s not just the emotional or spiritual elements of death that can be overwhelming, but all the little details and dynamics and paperwork that comes along with it too. As always, I feel surprised and grateful for all the varied ways that these conversations can unfold and what they can reveal.

Piano music by Jeff Buckingham

Interlude from Free Music Archive: Building Time Lapse, by Podington Bear